Father’s Day
Learning how to grieve is something I have had to do in my life due to the reality of experiencing loss. I’m not a fan of pain, so often I can tend to avoid it. Sometimes without even realizing it. I have come to the awareness that this avoidance actually can get me in trouble, procrastination for me is often linked to feelings of stress, and anxiety. This week’s blog has taken me much longer than anticipated to put together and I think I have come to the realization why. It’s Father’s Day and our Dad has been dead for few years. There are four of us kids in our family, I’m the oldest. We’ve all had to walk through the difficult and even traumatic experience of having both of our parents pass away much younger than any of us felt was fair. It’s a weird combination of feeling sadness, anger, and fear that can pop into my heart outta the blue. Sometimes it’s regret at how time can seem to be moving so slow and yet years seem to pass in moments. I also have a great sense of appreciation for David. He married Mom when I four years old, which meant he accepted the role of Father in my life. And looking back sometimes I didn’t make it easy on him.
David is the reason I finally pulled the trigger and joined the Air Force. This was probably the single most impactful decision I had made up to that point which in so many ways improved the trajectory of my life. When I got married I asked him to be my Best Man. I thought he would still be here to be Grandpa to my kids, gosh this one still gets me. Such a freakin bummer! I am thankful for my faith which gives me hope that death isn’t final, but it sure can feel like it. I’m still learning how to respond to my heart, allowing it to breath and cry when it needs to. Even learning to be tender with myself which sometimes isn’t easy. I suppose I’m supposed to be sad on the day that brings back memories of my Dad. I miss him, and that’s ok too. I encourage clients to be kind to themselves, and to remember that sometimes it’s ok to feel crummy. Usually there is a perfectly reasonable reason which probably needs to be acknowledged and honored. Thanks for letting me share this with you, I know it’s kind of sad. But that’s how life is sometimes, and that’s OK.
Happy Father’s Day Dad, I’m so thankful for you and miss you alot. You stepped up into my life and showed me what unconditional love could look like. I know I made it really hard on you sometimes, and it grieves me that it took so long to gain the proper perspective on things. To all of the Step Father’s out there I send my deepest thanks and respect. It can be thankless role sometimes even though it may actually be one of the most important.
