Wanting to Fix Things Isn’t Weak: A Man’s Guide to Starting Couples Therapy

There’s an internalized message that a lot of men grow up with:
“You shouldn’t talk about your feelings.”
“If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.”
“Be strong.”
But what if strength also looked like being honest? Being vulnerable? Being willing to work on something before it falls apart?
If you’re a man thinking about couples therapy—whether your relationship feels off track or just not as connected as it used to—you’re not alone. And you’re not weak. You’re paying attention.
Here’s how to bring up the idea of couples therapy in a way that shows strength, clarity, and care.

Own Your Intentions

Start by being honest with yourself. Why are you considering therapy? Maybe:
* You’re tired of repeating the same arguments.

* You miss the closeness you used to have.

* You want to work on how you show up in the relationship.

You don’t need to be in the middle of a crisis to go to therapy. Wanting more for your relationship is reason enough.

Start With “I,” Not “You”

Therapy can feel like a threat if it’s framed as a blame game. Try this instead:
“I’ve been thinking about us, and I want to find ways we can communicate better. I care about you, and I don’t want things to keep feeling tense.”
It’s not about pointing fingers—it’s about extending a hand.

Reframe Therapy as a Tool, Not a Last Resort

Some people still think couples therapy means a relationship is broken. But really, it’s like taking your car in for a tune-up before the engine fails.
Try saying:
“I see it as a way for us to grow together, not as a sign that something’s wrong. Plus, it provides a neutral space to talk things through with support.”

Be Honest About Your Own Growth

One of the most powerful things you can say to your partner is:
“I know I have areas to work on too, and I want to do that together.”
When you show that you’re not just trying to fix your partner—but trying to build something stronger together—it opens the door to real conversation.

Anticipate Resistance—and Stay Calm

Your partner might feel surprised, emotional, or even defensive. That doesn’t mean you said the wrong thing.
Respond with something like:
“This isn’t about blame. I just care enough about us to try something new. You don’t have to decide right now. I just wanted to open the door.”

Lead With Love, Not Control

Therapy isn’t about winning. It’s about understanding. Let your partner know this is something you want to do together—not something you’re dragging them into.
“I miss when we used to be a team. This is one way I’m trying to bring us back to that.”
Final Thoughts: Real Strength Looks Like This
You might be used to fixing things yourself. But relationships aren’t cars, or spreadsheets, or leaking pipes. They require connection, communication, and courage.
Taking the first step toward couples therapy doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you someone who’s willing to show up—not just to be strong, but to be real.
That’s not weakness. That’s leadership.

Want help getting started?
Our therapists at Solace Counseling specialize in working with couples who want to grow—not just survive. Book a free consultation and let’s talk about how to move forward—together.
Call us at 719-625-0472 or email us at hello@solacecounseling.care