The Healing Power of Intimacy

When my partner and I got married 10 years ago, we were so in love and inseparable. We couldn’t get enough of each other. The intimacy was amazing – not just physically, but emotionally. We shared everything, faced the world as a team, and made each other laugh every single day.

But over the years, life got in the way. We both got consumed by work stress and raising kids. The daily grind took its toll. We stopped putting each other first and grew apart. The intimacy faded away and we became just roommates going through the motions. By our 7th anniversary, we were a shell of the loving, connected couple we once were.

Things hit rock bottom about a year ago. A bitter argument over something so trivial ended with me storming out and getting a hotel room for the night. As I laid there alone, it hit me how far we had strayed and how desperately we needed to rekindle that intimacy or our marriage was doomed.

The next day, I apologized for my overreaction and we had a long, frank discussion. We both agreed something had to change. I’ll never forget my partner breaking down in tears saying “I miss my best friend.” There was still so much love there, but we needed to rebuild that foundation of intimacy that brought us together in the first place. We did not know where to start, however we knew we needed some support. So, we decided to seek help through couples counseling and here are some steps the therapist taught us to rebuild:

• Improve Communication Skills – Counselors teach techniques like active listening to facilitate more open, honest dialogue between partners.

• Resolve Conflicts – Therapists can help mediate arguments, prioritize issues, and find effective resolutions in a safe space.

• Rebuild Trust – If betrayals have caused trust issues, counseling can help regain each other’s confidence.

• Explore Intimacy Issues – From sex issues to emotional distance, counselors can identify root causes and give exercises to revive intimacy.

• Rekindle Your Bond – Counseling gives couples tools to better understand each other’s needs, reframe perspectives, and rediscover why you fell in love.

Working with a counselor provides an outside perspective to cut through biases and highlight blind spots. While it can be challenging at times, making your marriage a priority by investing in counseling shows your commitment to creating a more intimate, fulfilling partnership. Don’t settle for a lack of intimacy when steps can be taken to improve your connection.

Over the following months, we made intimacy a top priority. We scheduled regular date nights to have uninterrupted, device-free conversation and reestablish that emotional connection. We brought back the spontaneous hugs, gentle touches, and affectionate gestures that had been missing. And yes, we revived the romance and physical intimacy in the bedroom too.

It wasn’t easy, and there were setbacks. Old habits die hard. But we kept communicating openly and stayed committed to putting in the effort for each other and our marriage. Little by little, brick by brick, we rebuilt that extraordinary intimacy.

Now things feel like they did when we were newlyweds – we’re deliriously happy, painfully in love, and have recaptured that profound intimacy on every level. We’re a team again, fully devoted partners sharing this crazy journey together. My partner really is my soulmate and best friend.

Marriage is hard work, there’s no way around it. But focusing on rekindling intimacy – emotional, physical, spiritual – has the power to heal broken relationships. It saved ours when we had drifted perilously away from each other. If you’ve lost that intimate connection, don’t give up. Put in the effort, rekindle that intimacy, and watch the healing begin.