In a society where many relationships fail, is your long-term relationship or marriage doomed to lose its romance spark? If not, how do you keep the romance spark alive?
Is it normal to lose the spark in your marriage?
The answer is yes. Many couples in long-term relationships and marriages complain about losing the spark they initially had with their partner. You and your partner may have once had a passionate, fun, and exciting relationship, but now the romance has dulled and the passion seems to have fizzled out.
This fizzling out makes sense…you’ve been together for a while, you may have kids, demanding jobs, and limited time to spend with one another. You’ve also started to take each other for granted and no longer feel the need to impress one another or make quality time to connect. Your lives are probably busy and you know that you are committed to each other. Keeping the spark alive isn’t the most important thing on your to-do list…
While it makes sense, it’s a problem because once you and your partner start taking your relationship and each other for granted, it’s easy for the relationship to fall apart.
So…
How do you keep the flame alive in a marriage?
How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Long-Term Relationship
1. Keep Talking
The easiest way to disconnect from your partner is to stop talking to each other. This happens all the time in long-term relationships. Genuine conversations about things outside of bills, kids, and life tasks are a must for keeping the romance spark alive. When you have these conversations, you get to learn more about each other which means that you can connect and grow together rather than apart. (Learning about love languages make for great conversations.) This leads to the next tip…
2. Make Time for Dates
Sorry, it doesn’t matter how busy you both are or how urgent the things on your to-do list feel…dates have to be incorporated into your schedules as to-dos (just like you should be doing with self-care as well). When you compromise date night, you begin a pattern of deprioritizing your relationship which can lead to a slippery slope. So pick a date night and stick to it. No kids. No phones. Just quality time with each other.
3. Parents…Adult Only Hours
You love your kids. I do! However, kids shouldn’t be the center of your marriage. You need to make sure you have activities, vacations, and conversations that don’t revolve around your children. When you and your partner are able to connect with each other that involves just the two of you, you are reminded of why you got together and had a kid in the first place.
4. Try New Things
This rule is a great rule for life as well as long-term relationships and marriage. While it’s easy to fall into routines, you owe it to your relationship to make sure you get out of your comfort zone, be adventurous, and take fun risks TOGETHER. Explore new interests, hobbies, and places together. Your relationship will thank you.
5. Get Intimate
All of the tips above apply to this section. Intimacy is an important aspect of long-term relationships and often highlights how you and your partner’s relationship is going. Make sure you have conversations about intimacy that allow you and your partner to express your desires. Don’t be afraid to switch things up by trying new things and being adventurous.
6. Gratitude and Appreciation
Don’t take your partner for granted. Nobody likes to feel unrecognized or unappreciated – something that happens often and easily in long-term relationships. Remember to thank your partner for everything they do, just like you did when you first got together. Taking the time to see all that they do for you is a sure way to deepen your connection to one another. (Make sure to ask for the same in return!)
7. Self-Care
While it may seem odd to include self-care in a list of ways to keep your romance spark alive, making sure to take time for yourself is important in a long-term relationship and marriage. When you stop learning about and caring for yourself, you start to lose your individual identity. This means that you become dependent on your partner to fulfill all of your needs which leads to often leads to misplaced resentment and frustration. Taking time to know who you are and what you want will ensure that you and your partner can come together as two individuals who know themselves and can grow together as a couple.
The Big Takeaway
All of these rules can be summarized in one sentence: act like you are dating. While the security of marriage and long-term commitment can feel amazing, it doesn’t mean you should take each other for granted. Chasing each other was what brought you two together in the first place and continuing to chase each other should be part of your long-term relationship. Flirt, dress up, and go out on dates. Have meaningful conversations to learn about each other, be appreciative and grateful for each other, get intimate with one another, and step out of your couple comfort zone by exploring new adventures together. Those are the keys to a long-term relationship or a marriage.
