Do you know your love language? Did you know there was even such a thing? There is! You have a specific love language and so does your partner!
What is a love language?
A love language is exactly what it sounds like: it’s a way of expressing and receiving love to and from someone. This means that there are multiple ways to show and receive love.
What are the Five Love Language Types?
Although there are several theories on how many different love languages exist, the most popular concept is the five love language theory proposed by Gary Chapman who wrote a book on it back in the 90s (find it here). As a therapist, Chapman recognized that couples often struggle with understanding and meeting each other’s needs. He hoped by outlining five, clear, love languages that couples would be able to identify their own needs and better explain them to their partners.
What are the Five Love Languages?
1. Words of Affirmation
For people in this love language, kind words (both spoken and written) are VERY important. They enjoy consistent communication, praise and compliments, and feel most loved when their partner expresses appreciation for them and says “I love you.”
2. Quality Time
For hose whose love language is quality time, spending one-on-one time with their partner is crucial for their connection. They enjoy conversations with eye contact, active listening (or reflective listening), and no distractions.
3. Acts of Service
Forget words, for people who feel most loved through acts of service, action is everything. These people enjoy when others show they care through helpful tasks or thoughtful actions like running an errand or making them breakfast in bed.
4. Gifts
People who feel most loved when receiving gifts feel most considered and cared for when their partner gives them something that shows they were thinking about them. For these gift-lovers, the gift isn’t a random item but rather something that reflects a value of theirs.
5. Physical Touch
People who value physical touch in romantic relationships enjoy sexual intimacy and PG affection. Handing-holding, cuddling, kissing, and hugging are sure ways to connect with this type of love-languager. Want to learn more? Check out this article that provides in-depth explanations and examples of each love language.
Things to Remember
Here are some important notes on learning about love languages.
How You Express Love is Reflective
- Love languages tend to vary between partners meaning that the way you express your love to your partner may not be what makes them feel the most loved. Additionally, partners often express their love in the ways that they want to be loved. Getting clear on how you and your partner want to receive and give love will help you deepen your connection.
Love Languages Aren’t Exact
- Love languages aren’t an exact science and most people have a blend of love language preferences. Don’t expect a favor to fix all of your partner’s problems when what they really need after a bad day is someone to talk it out with. Use your love language knowledge as a guideline, not a final solution.
Self-Love
- These love languages are reflective of the ways you should show love to yourself too! If you find yourself valuing quality time in romantic relationships then you need to set aside undistracted and undisturbed solo time to connect to your thoughts and feelings. Grateful for gifts? Buy yourself something! Learning about your love language preferences is a great tool for discovering what self-care activities will most replenish you.
What are the Benefits of Knowing Mine and My Partner’s Love Language?
While knowing your love language won’t fix everything single one of your relationship problems (there’s no ONE thing that will) – learning what makes you and your partner feel loved is important. If your partner values physical touch, but receiving gifts is last on their list then buying them thoughtful items probably isn’t the best way to connect. Once you have a better understanding of yourself, you and your partner can get on the same page. In other words, love languages are a great tool for connecting with your partner and communicating your wants and needs. The other benefit? Taking the quiz to learn your love language makes for a great date night activity because it’s FUN. Take it for yourself to find out (click here).
