Texting… The WORST Form of Communication

Truth be told, the title of this blog might be a little extreme…but it’s an attention grabber because these days this is probably an unpopular belief. “You must be crazy,” is what anyone ages 12- 24 would say if they were to read the title of this blog. Most people don’t even call their friends anymore like “back in the day,” myself included. I just texted my best friend and asked her how she’s been doing even though I haven’t talked to her by phone in probably a month. I just wanted to drop her a quick message to let her know I’m thinking about her.

So what does the title of this blog really mean? Here is the key message if you walk away with nothing else: If there is an emergency, do you text 911? The answer of course is no. And why not? Let’s break this down further.

When it’s appropriate to send a text message:

  •  Say a quick hello to a friend
  •  Ask your hubby to pick up groceries or throw laundry in the dryer
  •  Ask your teenager to take the trash out
  •  Tell your in-laws you’d love to have them over for dinner and when is a good time
  •  Ask your friend what time you want to meet for coffee

You get the idea…all of these are trivial requests, questions and statements that are by and large NOT IMPORTANT.

Now let me tell you a little story that my husband loves to tell. Years ago after we got married, we rented our condo where I had lived since I moved into our current house that my husband owned. Our renters had a leak in the crawl space or something and ended up texting us pics of the leak, asking us what they should do etc, etc. This is KIND of an emergency; I think there was water leaking all over the place but they texted us and guess what? We didn’t get the text. Now the reason we didn’t get the text (this is why my husband likes this story) is that I was too cheap to put more data on our phone plan (that’s a whole different blog I’ll need to write one day) and so we had run out of data for the month. Since we had no data, the group text that our renters had sent us the previous day had not gone through. Let me give you some advice, if you have water leaking all over your basement, don’t text your landlord CALL them. If it’s an emergency CALL.

Why do I care about your renters, you are probably asking yourself?Are we texting too much?

You don’t. Now let’s translate this information into relationships. If my husband and I have a spat, am I going to text him about how I’m feeling and how sorry he should be and this that, and the other? The answer is no. If I am having conflict with anybody at all in my life who is important to me, it needs to be a conversation. I recently had an adolescent client share very hurtful statements a family member had texted her…it was heartbreaking because she had no idea how to respond to this kind of treatment over a text message. The problem lies in the fact that we have started using text messages as a way to communicate conflictual and emotional information using a medium that has no level of emotion connected to it. When you text someone, there is no tone, there is no feeling, and there is no context on how that statement is sent out or received.

When it is not appropriate to send a text message and a phone call or face-to-face is in order:

  • Any type of conflict with a loved one deserves a real conversation.
  • This includes your family and intimate relationships, your friendships, your children, and maybe even your boss. The list can go on and on depending on the issue.

Why have we become a culture that tries to address important issues over text messages?

The truth? We are scared. We are scared to say how we feel; we are scared of what reaction we will receive and we feel safer hiding behind a phone screen or a computer. The other truth, we are sort of lackadaisical. It is easier and requires “less effort” to send a text than to make a phone call.

I urge you to begin to challenge yourself and your fears. When you have something important to say to someone in your life, call them. If you can’t cold call them, text them to see if you can set up a time to chat by phone or meet face-to-face. I have seen couples and families in immense conflict because they try to solve relational problems over text messages. Texting is not relational; it’s a cop-out. Honor yourself and your loved ones by pursuing real communication with them. We all deserve to be heard.